Pregnant and alone. The Artist told me when we were together that he hated condoms. I told him that I wasn’t on birth control. He and I were both tested and clean. I trusted that he knew what he was doing when he would use the pull out method. Not very effective.
I never doubted this pregnancy though (my second pregnancy is another story). I knew I wanted this baby. I don’t know maybe it was my drug induced brain but I felt like this baby was going to save me. I broke up with cocaine. I stopped everything that would be harmful to this human growing inside me.
Everyday The Criminal would call me and tell me he wanted me back and loved me. Never once did I mention I was growing a human.
Everyday I was thinking about how I was going to tell The Artist. He and I were still talking since he also worked at the mall I did. He never really gave me a good reason why he broke up with me. Still today I think it was because he couldn’t make me cum. At that time in my life I was use to faking it. After many years with The Criminal I learned how to make myself cum, but with The Artist I think I just wasn’t comfortable enough. The Artist could tell I would fake it! He has been the only guy I have ever been with that knew! I still don’t know how he knew and other guys didn’t!?
So I told him I was pregnant. The Artist was shocked, happy, worried, and scared all at the same time. As days went on he would become colder and colder to me. I knew he wasn’t going to stick around.
The Criminal found out I was pregnant. He was shocked and angry but so loving. I didn’t know this side of him. The Criminal wanted us. He wanted me and this baby knowing that this baby wasn’t his.
So yeah I took The Criminal back into my life. Stupid of me….oh yes!!!
Time frame was The Artist and I were only together for a month. Yup didn’t take me long to get knocked up. The Criminal and I were only apart for about four months.
I’m four months pregnant and The Criminal was loving and sweet; so different than he was before. I really thought he changed. But during our four month break The Criminal decided to take part in some legal activity.
I was about seven months pregnant when he was arrested. Waddling to court case after court case. His mother and I posted bail. But it was far from over. The Criminal was looking at at least a year in prison.
Another two months go by and I have my baby. A little boy! A beautiful baby boy. The Criminal is still out on bail and he was my first visitor the next day. We are going to be a family. Well that is what I thought than. The Artist called me. He told me he wants to sign over his rights. See the state I lived in wouldn’t allow him to sign over his rights unless someone is there to take his place. No court was going to allow The Criminal to take over rights due to his criminal history and he and I weren’t married. I informed The Artist of this. I wouldn’t hear from The Artist for another six months.
In the meantime I was happy besides the court hearing with The Criminal and The Artist disappearing. My little boy was a month old and I started getting headaches and feeling ill. Something wasn’t right…..